Seeing Dr Young today. She will hopefully be my new neurologist. I’ve talked to her at a teva breakfast meeting and she clued me in on what supplements I shouldn’t be taking. Imagine that. My own neurologist I’d seen for 6 mo couldn’t even do that! I’d given her a computer typed list every appt. I’d been seeing her at that point at least once a week! She told me nothing about Multiple Sclerosis. I learned what I know now by groups on the internet, a book I was given by the regional teva rep: For the Newly Diagnosed, and teva meetings listening to local Dr’s and talking with people that were there. I was so incredibly stressed. I sat at my kitchen table Jan 25, 2015, a day before I was to start my first injection, for over an hour I was deciding on ending my life. I finally got it down to, you have only 2 things in life you have control over: 1, the length of my hair. 2, being here at all. So then I sat, crying through it all, finding a reason to stay. My baby. My Lilly Love. My only grandchild she’s 21 mo old now. She is my very soul. And crying harder at my thought of killing myself and being too weak to live the best life I’d be able. I got up and went to the bathroom and proceeded to cut off all my long hair. I don’t mean a trim, I mean almost a buzz cut! All with scissors! Then I put my picture on facebook. Lol…I have to really laugh. My sister called me, in California, she said my hair looked great! I said ” Not bad for cutting it myself”. She was speechless then said “You went to a salon right?”, said “Nope. My bathroom”. She couldn’t believe I’d done it myself! I can’t believe it either. I was cutting for at least 2 hrs. That was a year ago and today I wouldn’t have the strength.
- It’s been a rough year. So many things I’ve gotten through. I don’t know how though. Physically, a big one, mentally and very emotionally. I’VE just started learning to not say I’m fine because I’m not. I can’t do everything like I used to. I raised my two children alone for over 20 yrs. I live alone now and this winter, although mild in comparison, made me realize how much I’ve lost in a year and how much my MS has progressed. Thinking back I don’t know how I did any of it. I was the sole provider. I would work through illness and I now know the worst MS symptoms, until I passed out and had to be taken to the ER. I can no longer multi task, walk without a walker, so many things have changed in me. The pain. I refer to MS as Isis. When I wake up I don’t know when or where it will attack me. My legs, arms, internally, mentally, or the steel band trying to crush me. It’s an ugly, vicious disease. I can only think, you where given this for a reason, so learn as much as you can and maybe it will help someone else. I believe in these things, live well, laugh often, love much, and for living in peace. I don’t do drama or fight and argue simply because I say I’m too lazy and I don’t have the energy.